LUE: What Now?

[notquiteisraeli]

I saw my therapist yesterday. I told him that - despite having action plans and timetables - I was feeling a distinct letdown after finishing CELTA. And I also told him that I knew it was going to happen, dammit!

He reassured me that it was perfectly natural. And he encouraged me to give myself exactly one week of grace, to feel the letdown. During that time, keep up with household chores and work on writing up a weekly structured schedule, but nothing else. Give myself time to feel.

After that week, take action.

Strangely, I felt heartened. Something about allowing myself to feel something instead of just trying to plow through it.

****

I've been on a cooking kick to cheer myself up. Eyal is indulging it...not that it isn't to his advantage. He recently sanctioned the purchase of cake pans, a lemon zester, a double boiler, and a set of whisks. He's also agreed to a KitchenAid Stand Mixer and a new air fryer (the latter is a necessity, as our current air fryer is five years old and on its last legs), to be purchased on Sunday, along with (finally!) a new television.

See, Eyal loves my cooking. No matter what. Not that I've ever fucked up too horribly, but he loves all my creations. And I've never thought of myself as a good cook. Good baker, yes - I have an instinctive touch with baking and I've been turning out tasty baked goods since my teenage years. But cook? I've always thought of myself as merely adequate as a cook - good enough, but not outstanding.

But lately I'm realizing that I'm pretty good. I make my own spice blends. I can think on my feet and problem-solve. I don't mind the tedious repetitive jobs, as long as I have good music playing. And I get genuine pleasure from Eyal's enjoyment of my creations. Maybe that's what makes a good cook.

****

Next week: shopping trip to Big (that's literally the name of the shopping center) for kitchen gadgets and television, gaming night Wednesday, and Friday morning to Tel Aviv to take my father-in-law to the Israel Philharmonic. On the program: Haydn, Beethoven, and Mozart. The latter two are his favorite composers, and the Mozart piece (Symphony No. 41, "Jupiter") is Eyal's favorite. It's also a nice call back for me, as I saw Emanuel Ax perform the same piece he's performing (Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 3) in 1992 with the Boston Symphony at Tanglewood. Mind you, at the time he was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt (summer in the Berkshires can be a wee bit chilly at times, and it was a rehearsal), but it was no less magical for all that.

And by next Thursday I'll have a weekly schedule ready to hash out with my therapist.

Comments

[rubian77]

Hooray for food therapy! I've had plenty of culinary experiments turn out less than pretty, but still delicious. It's not often that it's actually inedible. You'll be fine. :)

[notquiteisraeli]

This is where I'm immensely grateful for Eyal's honesty. If an experiment turns out great, he'll tell me to add it to the repertoire. If it doesn't, he'll still eat it - but he'll tell me, "Maybe you should make it another way." He's a great guinea pig.