LUE: No, You Didn't Turn Out Okay
Jun. 10th, 2024 03:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
notquiteisraeliSomething I've noticed that's uncomfortably common in my generation is this whole "my parents beat the shit out of me and I turned out okay!"
No, you didn't. If you think that hitting people is a solution to a problem, then no, you didn't turn out okay.
There's also the whole "we didn't wear seatbelts or bike helmets and we survived." Yeah, but a lot of us didn't. A lot of us did die from completely preventable accidents.
Nostalgia is a dangerous thing, folks.
Do I think there were good points to the way I was parented in the '80s and '90s? Sure. Boredom can be good for a kid. Unstructured play time stretches the imagination. Stranger danger may have been in the news but in reality it was as likely as it's ever been and as it is now - which is to say, not very. (Fun fact: 93% of children who are harmed are hurt by people known to them.)
On the other hand, I do wish my mom had given me more attention. She was emotionally neglectful a lot of the time and treated me and my brother like we were impediments to her living her life. I don't think that's a generational thing, though. That was just my mother, who was woefully unprepared for single parenthood at the age of 29.
And yeah, I got hit as a kid. I remember dreading the skinny belt. That fucking hurt. My mom did quit hitting me when I was about 13, because she had the uncomfortable realization that I could and would hit back - and it might not go so well for her.
I don't think a lot about how the aggregate of all that has affected me. I know it has, and I have to deal with it. I know that I flinch when people raise their voices. I know that I like my space and alone time. I know that at times I can be pathetically needy and I need constant validation. I know that I dread when people are angry at me.
I wish people would be willing to admit that no, they didn't turn out okay.
No, you didn't. If you think that hitting people is a solution to a problem, then no, you didn't turn out okay.
There's also the whole "we didn't wear seatbelts or bike helmets and we survived." Yeah, but a lot of us didn't. A lot of us did die from completely preventable accidents.
Nostalgia is a dangerous thing, folks.
Do I think there were good points to the way I was parented in the '80s and '90s? Sure. Boredom can be good for a kid. Unstructured play time stretches the imagination. Stranger danger may have been in the news but in reality it was as likely as it's ever been and as it is now - which is to say, not very. (Fun fact: 93% of children who are harmed are hurt by people known to them.)
On the other hand, I do wish my mom had given me more attention. She was emotionally neglectful a lot of the time and treated me and my brother like we were impediments to her living her life. I don't think that's a generational thing, though. That was just my mother, who was woefully unprepared for single parenthood at the age of 29.
And yeah, I got hit as a kid. I remember dreading the skinny belt. That fucking hurt. My mom did quit hitting me when I was about 13, because she had the uncomfortable realization that I could and would hit back - and it might not go so well for her.
I don't think a lot about how the aggregate of all that has affected me. I know it has, and I have to deal with it. I know that I flinch when people raise their voices. I know that I like my space and alone time. I know that at times I can be pathetically needy and I need constant validation. I know that I dread when people are angry at me.
I wish people would be willing to admit that no, they didn't turn out okay.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-11 02:02 pm (UTC)All it teaches kids is "Not while I'm looking." "Well we respected our—" No you didn't, you didn't respect your parents, you feared them. That's not the same thing, and if you don't know the difference, I feel sorry for you.
How I was raised played a big part in my decision never to have kids.